The stupidest thing I ever heard of: The sequel

So, there is this reactionary nutcase meme sludging along that, somehow, in some way you probably have to be a paranoid reactionary nutcase to really understand, AHHH! CHRISTMAS IS BEING DESTROYED BY FAITHLESS LIBERALS! WE ARE ALL UNDER ATTACK!.

(Note: if you take the link, you might be amused to note that Michelle Malkin has written a book called Unhinged. Yes, Michelle. I was aware that you were unhinged. I'm surprised you admit it so openly. But, isn't it a relief to tell the truth for once?)

I noticed it a little bit last year, when Bill O'Reilly declared war on Christmas, but last year, my pre-Christmas brain was occupied with getting ready to go to Indonesia, and it didn't penetrate much. This year he's at it again, with this particularly silly little exchange from his program in mid-November:

O'REILLY: With us now, Philip Nulman, author of the book Just Say Yes!: Extreme Customer Service [Career Press, 2000]. That's what I like, extreme customer service. All right, 85 percent of Americans say they're Christians. Christmas is a federal holiday, signed into law by [President] U.S. Grant. And we're living in a time where some retail outlets will not say "Merry Christmas." Insane?
NULMAN: No, no, I don't think it's insane. I think that it's good business practice, actually. And many organizations are trying desperately to be inclusionary. They feel that the use of "Merry Christmas" in their packaging, their bags, their messages, their environment is just the opposite. It's exclusionary to the 15 or 20 percent of the customer base that is not Christian.
...
O'REILLY: See, I think you're, I think you're crazy. And here's why. I think the backlash against stores that don't say "Merry Christmas" is enormous because now people are aware of the issue... And when you walk into a secular environment, most Christians are looking around, and they're really aware of it. Now, the other thing is, I don't believe most people who aren't Christian are offended by the words "Merry Christmas." I think those people are nuts. I think you're crazy if you're offended by the words "Merry Christmas."
...
NULMAN: "Season's Greetings" and "Happy Holidays," Bill, does not offend Christians.
O'REILLY: Yes, it does. It absolutely does. And I know that for a fact.

So there you have it -- non-Christians are "crazy" if "Merry Christmas" offends them. Yet, (nominal) Christians are perfectly justified to get all bent out of shape if somebody wishes them "Happy Holidays." So...what kind of drugs do you have to be on before you think that's a normal thing to say? Or does that sort of thinking just come naturally to bullies like O'Reilly?

I mean, we live in a world where, if the American people buy an insufficient dollar amount of useless junk over the "Holiday Season," our entire economy goes into a tailspin. Retailers and marketers already took the Christmas out of Christmas, and they did it when you were still a screaming toddler, Billy. Wait. I mean, when you were still a genuine screaming toddler, as opposed to a nominal adult doing an amazing imitation of one. And, let's be clear here -- there wasn't very much Christmas in Christmas anyway. The date? Iffy at best, and probably related to Roman celebrations. Gifts? Yeah, right. Mass quantities of sugar? Candles? Stockings on a mantle? That tree? It's a YULE tree, and it comes from pre-Christian Scandinavian celebrations on the midwinter Solstice, and has about as much to do with Christmas as barbecues have to do with Independence Day. Which is to say -- quite a bit, really, if you regard the celebration of a holiday as an important cultural benchmark. But not very much if you look to what is supposed to be the reason for the holiday in the first place.

Now, I don't know if this attempt to stir up some sort of bandwagon is having any real effect or not. According to Paul there's still no religious gift wrap for sale, so, probably not. But I find this desire for nominal Christians to feel persecuted to be disturbing. And just plain annoying. Are you being fed to lions? Are there Gestapo agents breaking down your doors and destroying your nativity scenes? Are you afraid to tell anyone you're a Christian for fear that the secret police will cart you away in the middle of the night? Do you fear that you will lose your job, or custody of your children, if it is found out that you are a Christian? Have gangs of steroid-crazed young men recently beat anyone to death because they thought he was a Christian? No? Then shut up.

In 1959, the recently formed John Birch Society issued an urgent alert: Christmas was under attack. In a JBS pamphlet titled "There Goes Christmas?!" a writer named Hubert Kregeloh warned, "One of the techniques now being applied by the Reds to weaken the pillar of religion in our country is the drive to take Christ out of Christmas -- to denude the event of its religious meaning." The central front in this perfidious assault was American department stores, where the "Godless UN" was scheming to replace religious decorations with internationalist celebrations of universal brotherhood.

Which just goes to show, no sufficiently bad idea ever goes away forever.

The article also has an interesting point -- that the "war on Christmas" myth can be self-fulfilling, as school board members and local politicians believe these paranoid urban legends claiming they can't celebrate Christmas without getting sued by the ACLU, and act on them.

Anyway, Mr. O'Reilly -- and anyone else out there who is tempted to jump on his anti-"holidays" bandwagon -- I have to say: Careful secular inclusionism is what you should EXPECT if you turn to commercial retail establishments for your holiday guidance. You want Christmas to be about Jesus, go to church.

Addendum: Since writing the above, the (koff) Reverend (koff) Jerry Falwell has launched the charmingly named "Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign." It is being led by the "Liberty Counsel," a right wing legal organization, and their technique for spreading Christmas cheer is to file lawsuits against anyone spreading "misinformation about how Christmas can be celebrated in schools and public spaces." The 8,000 members of the Christian Educators Association International will be spying -- er, reporting -- nah, tattling any perceived transgressions back to 750 Liberty Counsel lawyers who are eager to instill the Christmas spirit in everyone by suing them in court.

Sheesh. It's amazing how icky these guys make Christmas feel. Instead of being about love and peace on Earth and sparkly things, it's about giving a big, bullying, scornful, in-your-face, Nelson Muntz "hah-hah" to pagans, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, atheists and Jehovah's Witnesses. I think I'm celebrating Festivus this year.