Or the voodoo saints are annoyed with me. Or I used up all my good karma points and now I need to rack up some bad ones. Or, something. That would explain why, just a couple of weeks after I broke my butt, I would get laid off.
What I do:
I am a web designer and developer. I make websites look pretty, and also make them do all that fancy stuff that they do. If the acronyms HTML, CSS, PHP, ASP, SQL and JS mean anything to you, then you know what I do. If the acronym CMS means anything to you, then you know what I’ve specialized in (content management systems).
I have mad graphic design skills in Photoshop, InDesign, and Illustrator. I know how to design for both print and online reproduction. I have formerly mad, now rusty, skills in AutoCAD, and rusty semi-mad skills in SolidWorks.
I am a cartoonist. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m a “fine artist,” but I work in paint, ink, pencil and other non-computer artistic media.
I am a fiction and a non-fiction writer, and I have worked as a technical writer. In fact, technical writing is how I ended up as a programmer in the first place. Technical writing seemed like the really obvious 90s career choice for a nerdy English lit grad with a journalism minor. I assumed I wasn’t programmer material, because I didn’t like academic programming, by which I mean, the programming that was in the college classes I tried to take.
Eventually I figured out that I enjoyed real-world programming, especially if it involved databases. I can’t quite explain it, but I really love working with databases. I think it’s fun. It seems to tickle the same part of my brain that used to like to line up all my crayons in order of spectrum color, then mix them all up and order them from light to dark, then mix them all up again and put them in alphabetical order according to name.
For a number of years I worked as a Visual Basic programmer, and I would consider myself the ideal person to take a look at your rusty old Visual Basic program and web-i-tize it for you. I think of programming in terms of logical systems, and pick up new languages fairly easily.
All that, and I steam a mean cappuccino.
So, if you need somebody who does what I do, please let me know.